Can i be honest?

tucker at age 12months - 4months before his injury

I just wanted to share that this time of the year is very hard on me. i know i put up a good front and act brave, but i'm not all that tough when it comes down to it. On April 1, 1991, my son, Tucker, at the age of 16 months old suffered a severe brain injury - due to medical malpractice. it left him in a wheelchair, unable to talk, walk, or do anything on his own. he's 100 % dependent upon us for his every need. he wears diapers and is fed through a g- tube. it's been 17 years since it happened and every year it seems, gets harder. as we age, we think of all the missed opportunities for him, proms, athletics, driver's license, college preparation, marriage, kids, etc. all those hopes and dreams for your child; especially your first born. they are all gone in an instant. i struggle everyday with showing a brave face and inwardly continuing to grieve; all the while, taking care of Tucker, who is still with us. i tell you all this because sometimes, in truth, it is hard to believe that this really happened to us. this is my life - which sometimes seems like a dream. i share this with you as i have sadness in my heart and tears in my eyes. why do i feel the need to hide this from people? i'm not sure - but i'm kind of to the point where i need others to know the reality of what has happened to me. i leave for Artfest on April 1st - so it will be good to be away, but bittersweet at the same time. i know tomorrow i will feel embarrassed for sharing such intimate feelings from my soul and will struggle with deleting this entry. but as i "put it out there" - it will be harder to deny later.