Happy Birthday to Tucker

I just wanted to take a minute and wish my sweet little tucker happy birthday. he turns 21 today. He has been through a lot. It is very painful for me to post this baby picture of him before his brain injury, but I'm going to be brave and do it and deal with the emotions that come.

i recently read a post by Melody Ross discussing some painful memories from a traumatic time in her life and at one point i had to stop reading it. my heart was racing and i started to feel sick. it dredged up some very painful memories, ones i have a hard time acknowledging. it just is so hard to go there. I could so relate to everything she said- i just don't think i've ever been able to put it into words before.

i remembered something that happened when tuck was in utah for rehab and i went out shopping for things he needed and was so confused, disoriented (i was in a unfamilar city with no friends, no cellphones then, no computer, no money, virtually nothing), frightened and as Melody said in her post, ALONE. my husband was there in utah too, but we were coping on different levels - so we weren't working together as a team then. but i remember being out and tears just streaming down my face and it amazed me that not one person stopped and said, "are you alright?" i'm sure they had to notice. Since that time, I have stopped several women in obvious distress and said quietly, "you look upset and i wanted to stop and see if i can be of any assistance." they all said no, they didn't need my help (we never need any help, do we?) - but at least I know that I acknowledge their pain and i hope that counted.

so that's all i can handle for now on walking down that road of pain.

tucker, age 6months - (pre injury)

here's the birthday boy heading off to school. i just love him so.